A Selfish Desire
by anaivle
Summary: [OneShot] One of Dirk's biggest regret was that he was never brave enough to tell the girl he loved about his feelings, until finally the chance is gone forever. Moving on with his life, he fell for another girl that could be the remedy for his wound. Unfortunately, love seems to be out of the option for her.


He thought it was going to be another usual cold, windy autumn night when suddenly he vaguely heard a sobbing sound came from the mountain's forest area around the summit.

Dirk stopped for a brief moment and tried to concentrate on the sound, replied by another vague of sobbing voice.

"What on earth was that…" Dirk frowned and murmured to himself, trying to put some courage onto himself.

He passes this mountain path every day and night to go back and forth between the two towns, but it is the first time he heard strange voices at night coming from the mountain forest. His mind almost convinced him that it was a ghost and telling him to run away.

"H-Hello?" The voice seem to respond to Dirk's murmur.

Dirk didn't respond, he directed his lantern towards the forest. He stood still, anticipating for any movements and tried to confirm that he was not imagining the voices.

"Is somebody there? P-please.. Help me.. *sobs*" The voice called out again, a little bit more clear this time. It was a voice of a girl.

"Who's there?" Dirk called out to the voice. "Where are you?" Worry began to take bigger portion on his guts than fear.

"I.. I don't know.. *sobs*" The voice replied. "Um... Ah, There's a pond nearby."

 _The Goddess Spring,_ Dirk concluded. He made his way through the forest to the pond and saw a girl by the pond's flowerbed.

She was glancing at her surrounding in confusion, sobbing in fear. Upon seeing Dirk's arrival she gasped, and sighed in relief.

"Oh Thankyou, Harvest Goddess. You must have sent this man to help me." She smiled, then she wiped away the tears from her eyes.

"Uh… Excuse me?" Dirk raised an eyebrow on her.

"O-oh! Pardon me. I came from another town and I got lost in the mountain. I'm looking for a man named Nathan, I heard he resides in Bluebell now. Do you know him?" She asked.

"Oh. The priest. Yeah, what about it?" Dirk replied.

"So you know him?" Her eyes lighten up in hope. "Excuse me, I know it is very impolite of me to ask such thing on our first meeting.. But can you please take me to his place? Please?" She put her hands together in front of her chest, as if she was praying while she pleaded.

Dirk hesitated for a moment, he already had such long day with the huge amount of his deliveries today and he really wish to go straight home, take a nice rest in his place. But then, his pride as a man wouldn't just let him to do so. In the end, for the sake of chivalry, Dirk decided to escort that poor girl safely to Bluebell.

"Geez, you scared the hell out of me. Alright. Follow me." Dirk motioned his index finger towards himself and began to lead the way.

"R-Really? Thankyou, Thankyou so much! I'm so lucky to meet such kind man as you." She jogged a few steps to catch up to Dirk. "Oh by the way, I haven't introduced myself yet. My name is Alisa."

"Name's Dirk. I look forward to getting to know you, Alisa."

Dirk accompanied Alisa until they reach Bluebell's church and leave her in Nathan's care. He was grateful of Dirk's doing and offered him to stay the night in the church since it was really late, but he politely refused since he should be responsible for another deliveries tomorrow.

Since then, whenever Dirk stopped by at the church to deliver mail he would spare some time talking to Alisa. Alisa spent most of her time as a church keeper, assisting Nathan.

Dirk was always the friendly type, he's the type that could get along with people easily. Unlike Dirk, it's not that easy for Alisa to make first approach to people and befriend them, so she's happy whenever that lively boy come and tell her lots of interesting stories.

Alisa is the shy and quiet type, which reminded him of the girl she used to know back in Zephyr Town. Both of them are shy and doesn't talk much unless to the people they consider close to. Though, unlike the down-to-earth Alisa, this girl has a high pride for herself, which made Dirk fell for her. She was his first love.

He was never able to put up his courage to tell her about his feelings, until eventually he lost the chance forever. She ended up marrying his friend, a new farmer in town that everyone likes. This gave him quite a hard time, and at that critical stage, he made a decision to move out of the town with an intention to restart his life.

At first, Dirk was just trying to be polite and friendly, but then he came to enjoy spending his time together with Alisa, even going out for a walk together with her for some times. He came to learn about her, how much she likes ice cream, how clumsy could she be with directions, how she disliked the waterfall noises, and he came to learn about his own feelings, that he slowly but surely fell for her. However, Dirk was also aware that she had chosen her life path as a priestess, which means love would not be an option she could choose anymore.

"What's wrong, Dirk? It's rare to see you frowning so hard like that." Cam asked as he went out of his flower storage room and approached him.

"Oh, Cam." Dirk responsively turned to Cam. He was staring emptily outside Howard's café window while getting lost in his own thoughts. He immediately replaced his frown with a smile. "It was nothing. Are you done working today?"

"Yeah. Just about to relax myself." Cam replied as he pulled the seat in front of Dirk's and sat down. "You sure it was nothing? You usually look so cheery."

"Cam's right, Dirk. You have been constantly frowning and letting out deep sighs earlier." Laney added suddenly from behind the bar while brewing tea.

She walked towards their table with a tray on her hands, carrying a pot of tea along with three cups for each of them, and proceed to sat beside Cam.

"You know, if something's bothering you, we are willing to listen. But if you'd rather talk about something else that's also fine." Said Laney.

Dirk had gotten close with Cam and Laney, and even with Howard since he is a regular customer at Howard's Café. Great food and beverages, great place, The Cafe is the best place to relax after a tough trip going back and forth between mountains. After the busy hour ends they would sometimes sit together at the café for some talks.

"I guess I could talk about it a little." Said Dirk finally.

"Back then in Zephyr Town, I was in love with a girl. There was a chemistry between us but I could never man up enough to confess to her. Until.. well, she's married to another man."

Dirk uncomfortably shifted his sitting position, starting to feel embarrassed on himself. "And uh.. now there is this certain girl who caught my interest, but maybe she's just kind of, er, I wonder- a rebound?"

"So what are you worrying about? Rebound or not, this certain girl could be the reason why you were not allowed to confess to to that girl back then." Cam shrugged.

"Ooh. Way to go, Cam." Said Howard suddenly from behind the cashier desk, apparently he was listening to their conversation the whole time. Cam sighed at him before shifting his attention back to the conversation.

"Well, you have to be honest with your own feelings. And when you did, let her know. I'm sure you would not want to fell on the same hole, right?" Laney added.

Dirk smiled dryly. "That's what have been bugging me, Laney."

Dirk took a sip on his tea and huffed while leaning back on his chair "I guess, even if our feelings are mutual, we might not be able to get together. There is this absolute boundary around her that I could not overcome. So I was thinking that all along, it was even pointless to try."

Cam and Laney exchanged glances, unsure of what they should respond when suddenly Howard's voice abruptly break the silence. "Dirk, my boy, sorry to butt in uninvited but I'll say you have to go for it. Having us all here guessing the outcome won't help to get you anywhere. It's all up to you, how would you solve your feelings."

Dirk's thoughts eventually went back to his first love. He had always regret all the time when he almost spoke up to her about his feelings, yet was never done.

If only he was brave enough to put up a courage to tell her, things might have been so much different.

Maybe, he wouldn't have to leave his hometown. He wouldn't have to get homesickness, and maybe he wouldn't have to leave his brother, his only family behind.

Coming up with the resolution for himself, he decided to tell Alisa about his honest feelings.

He was not certain if this confession was the right thing to do, but he was certain that he was in love with Alisa. He wanted to at least let her know about his feelings, for better or worse, he need to know the outcome of his feelings.

Then one afternoon, Dirk took Alisa to one of her favorite place, The Goddess Spring. Mentally, he tried to gather all the courage and tried to compose words inside his head, but his heart beats messed it up.

Alisa was squatting by the flowerbed, humming while her eyes scanning through the flowers on the field.

"You really like this place, huh?" Dirk said as he watched her from behind.

"Yes, it's a really beautiful place. It was said that the Harvest Goddess herself lives here." She turned back towards Dirk, handed him a red flower she just picked up from the flowerbed. "And this is the place where I met you for the first time." She flushed while smiling, her cheeks turned pink.

Dirk glanced at the magic red flower before he took it from her hands. It's one of his favorite flower. She remembered even though Dirk just told her once when he gave her the same thing for flower day. His mouth curves instantly went up and he thanked her.

"You know, Alisa. I'm sorry to suddenly drag you here but there's something I want to give to you." Dirk searched in his bag, hesitated for a couple seconds before he finally took out the blue feather and gave it to Alisa.

Alisa glanced at the blue feather in her hands and then to Dirk. "D-Dirk.. isn't this?" She asked, only to reply by Dirk's nervous nod. "I'm sorry.. but you know I-"

"It's okay, Alisa. I'm not asking for a reply." Dirk cut her words. "Once, I left a biggest regret I have ever had, not to tell the girl I love about my feelings. So now, I don't want to have another same regret anymore. I just wanted you to know that I love you, even if you don't feel the same way about me."

"No.. No Dirk. You've got it all wrong." She shook her head, hands trembling while tears started to fall from her eyes. "I love you, Dirk. I have also been in love with you all this time. But I'm mad for myself that I could not return your feelings.."

Dirk was happy to hear that Alisa also have feelings for him, but he blamed himself that she was bursting into tears now.

He pulled Alisa on to his chest and she began to cry as she was wrapped in his arms. "I knew it.. I knew it, Alisa. I was prepared for it. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry.. I just thought that I want to you to know, that's it." Said Dirk while he stroked his hands on Alisa's strawberry blond hair, and the girl began to cry slowly on his chest.

They held still in the position, until Alisa calmed down and began to talk. "Dirk.. it makes me so happy to know that you care for me. I'm so sorry…"

Dirk slowly released Alisa from his arms, and she continued. "You know.. I used to be a really selfish girl. My parents were rich businessmen, so I got spoiled a lot. I could get everything that I want with just a word from me. I have all those servants that would do everything I ordered them to do."

"Despite the fortune I got, I was never grateful. I never share my fortunes with those who are in need. Instead, I kept on feeding on my endless greed. "

"Then one day, my father died and the business trembled. We had to lower our living standards, but I just could not accept the reality. I kept my usual lifestyle, trying to keep up with my socialite friends demands, even though I knew my mom had to work really hard to cover the financial problems."

"Due to fatigue and stress, my mom also died. I was left alone.I was getting used to get spoiled with wealth, and suddenly I was left with nothing. All of the sudden I have to lower my standards even more."

"And in my hard times, none of those I used to call friends are willing to help me. I am just a part of the filthy impoverished people in front of their eyes and they refused to being seen together with me."

"I was never a religious person, but then I had nowhere to go. So the church was my last hope to seek for help. Then like every people in trouble would do, I prayed. To the Harvest Goddess."

Alisa glanced at the blue feather in her hands, and began to stroke her finger on it. "And then Nathan came and offered me to join the charity event he was about to do. Having no other better things to do, I decided to join. For the first time, I found the joy of sharing to the people in need, and it went on for quite couple of times."

"Seeing how active I was in church and charities, Nathan asked me to be one of his disciple, to teach about the Harvest Goddess' teachings. After hearing about my background, he was willing to took custody of me. He gave me a new place to live and a new way for me to live, under the Harvest Goddess' teachings."

"I was really grateful.. Knowing when I had nowhere to go, the Harvest Goddess still reserved a place for me despite how selfish I have ever been all my life. Since then I promised to make up for what I've done, I've dedicated myself to the Harvest Goddess and promised myself to throw away all my selfish desire."

Alisa glanced back at Dirk, sorrow was still filling her eyes. "So Dirk, I hope you'll understand.. Forgive me."

Dirk was about to comfort her when an abrupt man's voice called out to Alisa and fully gained their attention.

"N-Nathan?" Alisa gasped.

Nathan cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, I came here to give my offerings for Harvest Goddess and I overheard your talks earlier."

Dirk covered his face with his palms, his cheeks were burning. _Crap, he listened to the WHOLE thing?_

"Ahem, so.. Alisa, did you say you could not return Dirk's feelings because you've dedicated yourself to Harvest Goddess?" Nathan glanced sharply at Alisa.

"Y-Yes…" Alisa nodded weakly.

"Then I don't think you really understand the Harvest Goddess' teachings, Alisa." Nathan shook his head.

"Huh? What? B-But-" Alisa widened her eyes in confusion.

"Listen, Alisa. The Harvest Goddess NEVER asked anyone to give up their chance at true love in her name. There is no one that does not deserve love. So, if you love Dirk, you'd better go for it! Or even the Harvest Goddess herself would be disappointed at you! Got that?" Nathan sermonized, and then turned to Dirk.

"And you, Dirk."

"Huh? Oh, Y-Yes?" Dirk responded in surprise of Nathan's sudden call.

"Make sure you take care of Alisa. She's very special." Said Nathan shortly, and was replied by Dirk's immediate nod, unsure of how else could he react to the situation.

"Good." Nathan nodded. "Then with the Harvest Goddess' blessings, I wish you two good luck and a happy life together.."

"No, wait. I should save those for the marriage." Nathan murmured.

"Anyway, Dirk, Alisa. I wish you two an eternal happiness. You guys are such a nice kids and you deserve that. I should head back to Bluebell, then. Take care! And don't forget to give thanks to the Harvest Goddess." said Nathan as he began to make his way to the forest, and disappeared.

There was another short silence left after Nathan left, and this time Dirk broke the silence.

"Uh… So. What now?" Dirk awkwardly questioned.

"So.. that means.. Is it really okay for me to love you, Dirk? Is it?" Alisa turned to Dirk and questioned him back. Dirk was startled by her question, but before he could reply, Alisa replied quickly. "Then.. I.. I accept!"

Dirk stared at her in awe, still trying to process what just had happened to his brain. Then another smile of relief replaced his expression as he dragged Alisa into his arms, hugging her even tighter than before. "Thankyou, Alisa.. Thankyou. I promise I will make you happy."

"No, thankyou for choosing me, Dirk.. I am so lucky to be able to be with you." Another tears start to fell down her eyes along with her brightest smile ever.

For the first time in her life, her tears reflected true joy instead of sadness.

"Dear Harvest Goddess," she murmured. "Thankyou for letting me being selfish again this one last time."


End file.
